When I was 11 years old, my English teacher decided to put my name in for a story telling competition in school. My story was from one of my favourite storybooks - King Midas. I practiced for weeks, coached by my mother at home, and finally when the day of the competition arrived, and my name was called out on the PA system, my legs felt both week and rooted to the ground. Each step felt like I was walking deeper into quicksand, and I think I even stopped breathing the last 10 seconds as I approached the stage.
What was your first memory of standing up in front of people and speaking? Most likely, it would’ve been a storytelling session like mine, or a ‘Show And Tell’ in school. Perhaps your remember the butterflies in your stomach...the pounding of your heart against your chest...lips trembling...voice quivering as all eyes are trained on you...These are just some of the things that still plague many people when it comes to having to present in front of others, and for some, can be debilitating.
I recall an incident at a former workplace, a broadcast company where the most of my daily interactions were with on air personalities. These are people who are sociable, who talk for a living, who have been trained to manage crowds at ground events. As such, speaking in public? Not an issue. One of the things about managing creative types though, is managing station managers who are on top of the latest listening trends and music genres but totally hate doing annual budgets. It was like pulling teeth.
There was a Finance Manager in the company, though, who was able to explain to me step by step what was required to get the budget done (according to a new format they were adopting). She was so clear in her explanation, I thought - who better to explain to my reluctant station managers how to get this done right? So I scheduled a date and session for her to speak and present to 10 people. Simple, no?
A few days before the presentation, her boss came to my office with a concerned look on his face. “Kudsia, you scheduled a presentation for your managers on budgeting, right?” I said yes and he came in and closed to door (always a serious thing, when someone comes in and shuts the door). He then explained that A, the finance manager, had just come out of the the ladies after having an anxiety attack, brought on by the thought of having to present to a group of people she hardly knew. I was horrified. That I had put her in that position, not knowing that she had glossophobia, made me feel 1000 kinds of bad. I did not know she was absolutely terrified of standing up in front of people and speaking. I had been in small group settings of four to five people, but these were her own department team mates, people she knew well and had lunch with, hence, no anxiety induced.
I was advised to not approach her immediately so as not to embarrass her, and waited a few days before I went up and apologized in person. That incident left a mark on me, and in way, was the catalyst into me finding ways to help people overcome their fear of public speaking.
In exploratory sessions with my one-to-one clients, I always ask them to describe what they feel just before going up on stage, followed by layers of “why?”. Almost always it goes back to some incident or situation where they were fearful of being embarrassed or humiliated, or vulnerable to unsavoury or negative comments from people they did not know. I work with them, and though I can’t erase the cause of this fear, I help them manage it by focusing on the outcome they want to have or see. It gratifies me to see that after a few sessions, their lips stop trembling, their voices stop shaking, they walk more confidently on stage, and even crack a joke or two. I beam with pride, I do.
Of all the questions people ask me about being on stage and public speaking, the most asked is if I still get nervous. I can tell you that after over 20 years of speaking internationally, I can still get butterflies fluttering in my stomach before I get up and take the mic. In my opinion though, it's always good to be a little nervous. It stops you from being over-confident, which an audience can misinterpret as being arrogant. When you’re over-confident, you don’t give your best. I’ve made this mistake before, speaking at an event that I thought was easy-peasy as I had done that same talk and presented that same content four times prior in other locations. Big mistake. ON stage, it showed that I didn’t put enough effort into what I was talking about. What I thought as witty came out as flippant, what I thought was extreme confidence came across as arrogance.
Fake it till you make it is something some people try to do to hide the fear of public speaking, but it can quickly go sideways.
In my field I have met a few individuals who are absolutely terrified of public speaking and will try to avoid it whenever possible. I even know one or two people I have worked with who actually faked being ill so they didn't even have to turn up.
There's nothing to be ashamed of if you're one of the above. This fear is real, and it's known as glossophobia - the fear of speaking in public. From personal experience, and from numerous articles by psychologists I have read, most times it is the result of some traumatic childhood episode. Everyone is looking at you and one or two bullies tell everyone "Look! Look!" and the other kids point and laugh. I understand this. I was once a chubby 10 year old who was the slowest to cross the finish line during sports day. So yeah, I get it.
In this blog I'll share with you some tips and tricks you could try. It’s what I use with my clients when they sign up for ProPresence mentoring - a public speaking and influencer training module that took me a few years to craft, try out and improve. After almost 30 years in broadcasting, training some of the biggest on air talents on how to present themselves (and craft their image on air), these are a few tips that do work.
Don’t fear what CAN’T kill you - you’ve been invited as a speaker at a conference, and now, you’re on stage alone, facing 500 participants in the audience - that’s 1000 eyes looking at you. It’s easy to be intimidated. But the audience CANNOT kill you. Unless a World War Z situation breaks out and they all turn into brain-eating zombies, there is no way in hell that the people will turn on you and come after you. It can be disconcerting looking out and seeing all these faces (and the various expressions) staring back at you, but it is a discomfort that you CAN manage. The participants are there to hear you share your story, or lessons learned, or ideas that can improve their lives or work-life or brand. They will not throw rotten tomatoes at you if what you say isn’t going to be featured on Oprah’s Super Soul Sundays.
Don’t aim for perfection - You are human, and humans make mistakes. If you do stumble or hit a snag on stage - don’t get flustered. Shit happens, just power through and get on with it. Slides not loading on the big screen? No worries, as long as you know the talking points, carry on. What matters is the story you tell, not the slide. If the slide has important stats and figures, summarize what the slide is supposed to show. Mic not working well? Laugh it off - everyone knows it’s beyond your control, their irritation will be with the sound guy or the organizers, not with you.
Don’t be hard on yourself - I can assure you that whatever you’re critical of where you are concerned, you’re the ONLY one thinking it. Most times, we hate the way we look or sound. “I’m too short” “I’m too fat” “My voice is too high-pitched” and so on and so forth. I’ve attended over 70 conferences and forums in the last 30 years and not once did I think “Ewww that speaker looks like a stuffed sausage, I won’t listen to what this speaker has to say”. I have, however, thought of myself as a stuffed sausage ; ) Look, you’ve heard this marketing mantra before - people remember how you make them FEEL. No one is going to feel slighted that you don’t look like Justin Trudeau or Karlie Kloss. People will feel short-changed if they didn’t get anything from your content, though.
Do have GREAT content - this is non-negotiable. Most of your prep work will be in the story you tell, which about 70% should be in what you say, and only 30% go up on slides. The only time that the ratio flips is when you’re doing a quarterly presentation to the board, and all spreadsheets have to be on the slides itself. As we’re talking about you as a speaker, use the 70:30 rule. Different people use slides differently, of course. Some only use pictures to prompt their talking points (we’ll cover that in another blog) and some use it to drive home a point with facts and figures. Some use videos, which I find is a very effective tool in storytelling as well.
In my experience, I am most comfortable preparing my content two to three weeks ahead of time. This gives me time to research what case studies I want to use, what examples would be most relevant to the audience I’m presenting to, and what videos I may want to edit and use. Also, I author my own presentation. If some slides have to come from another department or source, I request for them no less than a week before, so I can adapt them to my template (with full credit to the source, of course). We’ll cover how you can tackle mastering a presentation when the slides aren’t authored by you at all in another post.
Be yourself - sure, you’ve heard this one time and time again. Honestly though, it WORKS. I’ve seen speakers who try to be someone they’re not, most likely because they’ve been ill-advised to emulate an iconic speaker, like Steve Jobs, or Oprah, or Jack Ma. You are your own person, and have no business trying to be a Jobs or Ma copycat on stage when you can very well be the best YOU. Contrived personalities may work on Instagram or scripted videos, but on stage, you won’t be able to keep up that role you’re trying to project. It’s exhausting. Just be you. I sometimes get participants coming up and saying "My English not good la. How?" Well it doesn't really matter.
One of the best speakers I saw in a conference was a female entrepreneur who very clearly went through a Chinese education system. Her grammar was incorrect half the time, her pronunciation flawed. But she was fantastic - she was genuine, sincere and whatever she shared was from the heart. Let me tell you, she got more claps and cheers from the 1,000 audience members than any of the other foreign-graduates MBA-types who were CEOs (and dressed like them).
Now that you know these five things that you should or should not be doing, I say take the first step, smile, and go ahead and tell your story. Oh, I almost forgot. That storytelling competition that I took part in? I came in third. Knowing that I didn’t die of humiliation or from being on stage made me brave enough to take part in the district-level English storytelling competition that came two months later. I walked away with the first prize this time. Persistence pays. That’s my truth to you.
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